If you enjoy such gems, check out the procedures for C130 transport aircraft. An old colleague used to be a load master on them (before going into tech), and said the action required for a situation where your load is jammed on exit and you can’t cut the chutes deployed to extract the load from the cargo hold is “prepare for crash landing”.
I just checked a modern copy I have lying around and couldn't find that particular phrasing. However there are lots of other gems such as "a malfunction of the extraction system that causes cargo to move can be extremely hazardous."
Here is a video of the crash from a dashcam. This is probably the most detailed view of the stages of a plane crash I've ever seen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLAvN4IUzoI
I do enjoy the bluntness of military checklists.