Try replacing a panel. They make what ought to be routine work, hard. Only in the last couple years has it become cheaper to say screw it and not take their BS and go off grid instead. One of my neighbors already did that instead of spending hundreds of thousands of dollars with PG&E.
You mean upgrading your service, not upgrading your panel. Anyway I don't see how being charged for capacity becomes "onerous". Taking a home that needed a main service upgrade off-grid instead would also cost a huge amount of money.
Hire a licensed electrician, most seasoned pros will know how to fight this misapplication of regulation, especially if your just doing a like for like swap.
