Thanks for posting this. I am broken by my current employer and I've just hit rock bottom (hopefully). Little backstory:
In 2019 I've had burnout because of team members that didn't care about being in a team. They just messed up the team dynamic completely and I just couldn't handle it. I asked my supervisor to act upon this, but he didn't, so I went on sick leave (Netherlands). Nothing happened for about half a year when I was sidelined in another team.
In 2020 and 2021 I just had nothing to do. Or just stupid chores doing rework or refactoring, but it just didn't do it for me. I asked constantly for work, but there wasn't any. I had to, however, justify my hours, which was becoming impossible.
Whatever I did finish, often didn't make it in the final product. Or I got berated for spending too much time, without getting any time allotted prior. It destroyed my motivation for working.
In the mean time I was looking out for other jobs, but not finding anything that suited me. You see I'm visually impaired, so I hate commuting as it costs me quite a bit of energy, which I'd rather spent on something else.
In the end of 2021 I urged my supervisor to find a solution as it was becoming dire to me. He promised that he would, but as you can guess, he didn't. Going into 2022 I wrote him a letter saying the situation was unsustainable for me. I had quite a lot of panic attacks, especially before starting a new week. That didn't change anything. So in march of 2022 I went on sick leave.
During 2022 the situation only deteriorated. Everyone 'tried their best', but without any results. I got assigned a budget for 2500€ for external help. Which wouldn't be sufficient for any meaningful help. But inquiring on how I could use that budget left me with no answers. This finally resulted in conflicts with my supervisor, HR supervisor and the CEO. And still no help. No psychologist, nothing.
I also went to my GP in May of 2022, but the waiting list for mental help are extremely long. I just got my first appointment last week. In the mean time my mental complaints only increased. I'm now suffering from depression, anxiety, anger, suicidal thoughts and being unable to stay asleep. Because of inflation financially things are getting harder too. It's just stress upon stress upon stress.
I just want to leave. I want to get out of this situation. I don't want anything to do with these folks ever again. They fucked me up by sidelining and ignoring me. And finally they don't take any responsibility. I don't even enjoy my computing hobby anymore.
I just wanted to ventilate my story to a bunch of strangers on the internet, like you. Thanks again for posting this and I hope I can start over soon. Good luck!
In 2019 I've had burnout because of team members that didn't care about being in a team. They just messed up the team dynamic completely and I just couldn't handle it. I asked my supervisor to act upon this, but he didn't, so I went on sick leave (Netherlands). Nothing happened for about half a year when I was sidelined in another team.
In 2020 and 2021 I just had nothing to do. Or just stupid chores doing rework or refactoring, but it just didn't do it for me. I asked constantly for work, but there wasn't any. I had to, however, justify my hours, which was becoming impossible.
Whatever I did finish, often didn't make it in the final product. Or I got berated for spending too much time, without getting any time allotted prior. It destroyed my motivation for working.
In the mean time I was looking out for other jobs, but not finding anything that suited me. You see I'm visually impaired, so I hate commuting as it costs me quite a bit of energy, which I'd rather spent on something else.
In the end of 2021 I urged my supervisor to find a solution as it was becoming dire to me. He promised that he would, but as you can guess, he didn't. Going into 2022 I wrote him a letter saying the situation was unsustainable for me. I had quite a lot of panic attacks, especially before starting a new week. That didn't change anything. So in march of 2022 I went on sick leave.
During 2022 the situation only deteriorated. Everyone 'tried their best', but without any results. I got assigned a budget for 2500€ for external help. Which wouldn't be sufficient for any meaningful help. But inquiring on how I could use that budget left me with no answers. This finally resulted in conflicts with my supervisor, HR supervisor and the CEO. And still no help. No psychologist, nothing.
I also went to my GP in May of 2022, but the waiting list for mental help are extremely long. I just got my first appointment last week. In the mean time my mental complaints only increased. I'm now suffering from depression, anxiety, anger, suicidal thoughts and being unable to stay asleep. Because of inflation financially things are getting harder too. It's just stress upon stress upon stress.
I just want to leave. I want to get out of this situation. I don't want anything to do with these folks ever again. They fucked me up by sidelining and ignoring me. And finally they don't take any responsibility. I don't even enjoy my computing hobby anymore.
I just wanted to ventilate my story to a bunch of strangers on the internet, like you. Thanks again for posting this and I hope I can start over soon. Good luck!