That is what depression felt like to me as well. I’ve written a book about it, Can’t Be Trusted. It is a memoir about engineering, mental health, and aviation. Here is more information about me and my book: https://cantbetrusted.org/?page_id=262 As a laser engineer with an interest in computing, I think this book would be of interest to the tech community.
Simply by posting it you'll get someone's attention (like myself!)
However you may get downvoted because you asked how to get upvoted, which can be counterintuitive if you're Neurodivergent (like many of us). It's ok, that's not how you intended it, but that is most likely not a helpful part of the message here.
I don't want to get baited, really don't want to get baited here, but here goes. I've had my own struggles with mental health, maybe I can phrase it in a helpful way. This reply is for the book writer:
All your points may very well be true, but taken together, they paint a picture of you as sick and untrustworthy. Society puts requirements on people, stuff like
- wearing clothes in public
- <more examples>
One of those requirements is emotional resilience. Being able to absorb a setback or percieved slight, and keep moving forward in your day. It can also be seen as a game of emotional poker - sometimes you win a bit, sometimes you lose a bit, but if your bank goes down to 0, you're out!
You are holding on to these slights and injustices, and it doesn't matter whether you are right or wrong. It's a catch-22, the fact that you keep complaining instead of moving on with your day proves that you are unwell.
Trepanning is an analogy for schizophrenia. That's where part of a person's skull is removed, and the brain is directly exposed to the air. You are exposing your feelings to the world, where a normal person would have an emotional lid.
