The hierarchy of physical looks seems inexorably tied to the human social order. It seems that there is a separate world that opens up when you meet a certain threshold of physical attractiveness.
I get the impression that complaining about ones physical appearance is more accepted in women than men. I can imagine a man writing the OP piece would be labeled a few topical terms for his entitlement and toxic envy.
It's become impossible for me to ignore how often social hierarchies order themselves to a significant degree on the basis of physical appearance. I would implore anyone to consider physical fitness, fashion, skin, hair care and even cosmetic surgery if they inexplicably fail in social or romantic endeavors while bearing no other obvious faults. It is rarely spoken how much our sense of self and what we allow ourselves to achieve is a reflection of everyone's biases towards our appearance.
>It is rarely spoken how much our sense of self and what we allow ourselves to achieve is a reflection of everyone's biases towards our appearance.
When stuff like this comes up I always have to think of two people, Machiavelli and our last chancellor, Angela Merkel. She was by no means attractive, a woman, an East-German physicist and yet managed to become arguably our most significant post-war leader and governed over 16 years.
Machiavelli tells us why. In social hierarchies it's not looks, wealth or even intellect that matter, it's Virtù, that is martial spirit, or ambition. All other traits are just up to luck. People who accept the notion that their role in hierarchies comes down to how they look or how others perceive them have already given in to passivity. People who climb hierarchies literally do ignore why they're not supposed to be there.
Separate world: definitely. I remember a random real estate agent inviting my friend to a party and saying "bring your good looking friends" while giving me the stink eye from a distance. I have an older neighbor who is tall and handsome, and his wife was saying how, when they were younger, women would walk past him then turn around and make some excuse to talk to him.
I can't believe how much I deluded myself when I was younger about the nature of social hierarchies. There was some research (can't find it now) about childhood aggression showing how, if a kid is better looking, then aggression actually improves their social standing, while if the kid was not good looking, the opposite happens.
Forgive your younger self, we all had our own coping strategies.
My coping mechanism was that, if I only I lived in South Korea I'd fit in and be popular and happy. I learned as adult the social hierarchy is just as cruel there as it is in America.
Whatever you do, just make sure you don't allow your kids to repeat the same mistakes.
As I have grown older(early 40s), I too have observed this effect. Not that it is absolute, but there is certainly a correlation between looks/attractiveness and whatever they want, money, attention, partners and so on.
The most depressing part was when I in my early 20s realized there are people in this world and seeming quite many of them who have it 'easy'. They live their life's without struggling with the small stuff, everything just comes. The big stuff takes time of course. Not that they don't have their own subjective experience of struggle, its just on another level both personal and materialistic.
As you say physical fitness it maybe the only thing one can do in order improve ones standing unless one has some innate talent which can be exploited.
One thing is dating. The other is that people treat others differently depending on their attractiveness in any other aspect of life. Not only how kids relate to each other in school but even how parents (often subconsciously) favor the more attractive kids.
I get the impression that complaining about ones physical appearance is more accepted in women than men. I can imagine a man writing the OP piece would be labeled a few topical terms for his entitlement and toxic envy.
It's become impossible for me to ignore how often social hierarchies order themselves to a significant degree on the basis of physical appearance. I would implore anyone to consider physical fitness, fashion, skin, hair care and even cosmetic surgery if they inexplicably fail in social or romantic endeavors while bearing no other obvious faults. It is rarely spoken how much our sense of self and what we allow ourselves to achieve is a reflection of everyone's biases towards our appearance.