You posed it as a joke, but it's quite true: the "real deal" professionals get hacked frequently. Doing the barebone basics will protect you from 99% of the crap out there.
As another poster mentioned, if some state-based actor gets interested in me, I'm hosed no matter what.
I got hacked less often than 1Password or Okta, so I guess I am on par with the professionals, afaik (I give you that) :)