"Foot-Shooting Prevention Agreement: I, (your name), promise that once I see how simple AES really is, I will not implement it in production code even though it would be really fun. This agreement shall be in effect until the undersigned creates a meaningful interpretive dance that compares and contrasts cache-based, timing, and other side channel attacks and their countermeasures. (Signature) (Date)"
"Foot-Shooting Prevention Agreement: I, (your name), promise that once I see how simple AES really is, I will not implement it in production code even though it would be really fun. This agreement shall be in effect until the undersigned creates a meaningful interpretive dance that compares and contrasts cache-based, timing, and other side channel attacks and their countermeasures. (Signature) (Date)"
That being said, for my PHP+MySQL bretheren:
http://phpseclib.sourceforge.net/
http://dev.mysql.com/doc/refman/5.1/en/encryption-functions....